Falling Together.
Posted by Layla Winterborne on Sunday, 21 March, 2010 @ 1:55 pm
As I am a product of bits and pieces and smatterings, so is my life, it seems.
Most everyone that I know boasts of some awe inspiring moment in their life which now defines their very essence and being. A shining, defining moment in which whether through success or failure or even apathy, they realized who they were and what type of path they wish to take in life.
I, however, do not possess one of these moments.
The decisions and use of reasoning that I use in my day to day cannot be traced back to some giant, cataclysmic moment in which I realize who I am. Instead my decisions seem to rest solely upon the fact that my “defining moment” is nothing more than a maze of cyclic events in which I kept returning, facing, and failing until one day, I got the damn sequence right. The code…pushing button after damn button until, out of the infinite, I made the right fucking choice and instead of door after door being slammed upon me once more, it opened and there ahead of me lay endless possibilities.
Many people whom I have mentioned this to state that there had to be some sort of “A-ha!” moment to my eventual success and, you know, if there was, I cannot for the life of me remember it. It just doesn’t seem to be as simple as finding god or watching a loved one die from cancer or being struck by a lover or finding a new job.
For me…it’s a fucking conglomeration…a damn mixture of ingredients including new jobs and friends and lovers and downfalls and child loss and couches and pets and living arrangements and names and maybe…just maybe…I’ve finally gotten the damn thing right…
Or at least…I feel that I have.
