Jews, Muffs, and OMGICAN’TSEETHEROADWE’REALLGOINGTODIE
Posted by Layla Winterborne on Thursday, 11 February, 2010 @ 8:57 pm
The New Boss: You’re Jewish, right?
Me: Um…no. I’m about 1/4 Czech and 3/4 Comanche.
The New Boss: Czech + Comanche= Jew.
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Ya’ll, I’m not really sure why anyone trusts me to drive their car. Hell, I don’t even trust myself to drive a car. I have gotten so used to riding my scooter everyone that every time I try to turn, I find myself leaning in the direction of the turn and being reminded of playing Mario Kart 64 and thinking…hoping…that if I turned the controller in the direction in which I needed to go, that perhaps, I wouldn’t go sliding off the side of the cliff and go from 1st place to 12th.
(Fucking Peach man…she ALWAYS got me.)
But seriously…I’ve always considered myself to be a pretty competent driver but I swear to god…these past couple of days with the rain and everyone freaking out about OMGSNOWSNOWSNOWSNOWSNOW but everyone knows that it doesn’t snow in fucking SOUTH TEXAS. The most that we get is slushy rain…I CAN’T SEE THE DAMN LINES ON THE ROAD. You would think that Texas, of all states, would spend a little more money on making sure that we can see what fucking lane we’re supposed to be in. I also cringe every time I drive by a police officer because I’m convinced that they’re automatically going to assume that I’m drunk and pull me over and haul me to jail…and I totally can’t go to jail because I’m fragile and then they’ll discover that I don’t really work at a bakery but that I’m actually a prostitute that does lines of coke off of rich guys dicks for cheeseburgers.
(Oh hey ya’ll…on that note. I’m not an event coordinator anymore. Seriously, I decided to join the glamorous life of street walkers. Only I’m a little more creative with my time spent with the dudes.)
(I’m totally serious about the street walker gig.)
(And by totally serious, I mean not at all.)
(Okay, maybe a little.)
(No, not really.)
I’m about one car trip away from taking on the task of repainting every single road stripe by hand.
***So everyone knows how much I love naked vagina…here’s a link to a website that you should go check out. Not safe for work and more puss than I can ever hope to have. https://guesshermuff.blogspot.com
This is one of those rare Internet gems that one hardly ever sees now a days. Totally classy and wholesome. A definite family pleaser. Seriously! You should use it as an ice breaker when you go meet your boyfriends parents this weekend.
February 15th, 2010 at 11:38 am
WOAH! I am lovin the new look!
And I laughed so hard at your post. You’re so hilarious.
February 15th, 2010 at 11:43 am
Thanks, Grant. =) After that whole hacking thing, I decided that it was time to completely revamp. I like how it’s coming along and I’ve gotten most everything cleaned out. Yay!
February 15th, 2010 at 4:38 pm
I think if I was to ever become a coke whore, I would want to do all my lines off of penises (peni?).
Not going to lie, I’ve honestly considered prostituting myself out to pay for my expensive jewelry/shoe/purse/vibrator habit.
It’s so easy and I’m really good at it.
Isn’t that what life is all about?
Finding something you’re really good at and putting 110% into it?
Except, I’d only put in about 85% because I don’t do anal.